Saturday 13 June 2009

Quote Me Happy!

Are you paying too much for your car insurance? If you’ve been to an exhibition recently, then no doubt you’ve seen the proliferation of operators on layouts wearing headsets and microphones. At first I thought they were very enthusiastic Direct Line employees doing some weekend overtime, but no, it turns out that they are using these headsets to speak to other people operating the same layout. Not in Mumbai; not even in Muswell Hill – these guys are speaking with somebody around ten feet away. Now this strikes me as rather odd. I mean, why go to the time and expense of installing a high tech communications system for the purpose of speaking to people who could be easily spoken to by virtue of simply opening your mouth and letting the words spew forth? Although I’d love to tune into some of the conversations that they might be having.
“Hello Jim, can you send an express passenger train round, please?”
“Ooh yes, but only if you talk dirty to me.”
[Long Pause]
“That blue loco is a bit mucky, don’t you think?”

Okay, I’m sure that there is a clearly defined and very convincing reason why these people need such a system of speaking with each other, and it’s obviously not just a case of showing off how clever they (think they) are. I’ll leave it there; Churchill are on the phone and they’re going to try their luck at beating all my quotes for next year’s car insurance. Oh, YESSSS!


"I'm sorry sir, I really can't tell you if the fifth wagon on that freight train has air brakes or vacumn brakes. But I can certainly offer you home and contents insurance with 10% off in the first year ... hello ....hello?"


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